


sometimes it doesn't work out.

by asphodellae



Series: we used to be "us," but now what? [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, I'm Sorry, Letters, M/M, POV Miya Atsumu, Post-Break Up, Sad Miya Atsumu, author is in a letter-writing phase, should i call this angst?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:15:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27059335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asphodellae/pseuds/asphodellae
Summary: Sakusa,I still love you. It's probably going to become one of my most loathed habits.Sincerely,Atsumu
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: we used to be "us," but now what? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026649
Comments: 8
Kudos: 73





	sometimes it doesn't work out.

**Author's Note:**

> songs to listen to:
> 
> "Lover, Please Stay" - Nothing But Thieves  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v78PSm1R7bg
> 
> "Heather" - Conan Gray  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEAN9_Qi20I

Sakusa,

I would be lying if I said I’m not hurting right now. I’m hurt. Extremely. But _dammit_ , I still love you. It’s probably going to become one of my most loathed habits. At the very least, I will never stop caring about you. I cared about you before our relationship, I cared about you during our relationship, and now…

And now, I just wish you’d said something earlier.

I hope you never experience what you put me through—I hope you never feel the cold, numbing fear I felt. It hurt, you know? All the air I had left my lungs while my world withered in front of me. Remember when we danced in the kitchen? It was after we moved in together, and you almost worked yourself to the bone trying to unpack in one night. I don’t know how you did it, but you did—I was so proud of you—and when you shuffled into the kitchen at three in the morning (I was getting a glass of water) with a tired smile and told me you also unpacked my stuff, I took your hands and spun you around. We swayed gently in the warm light of the refrigerator water dispenser. _You let me hold your hands._ We came so far from when we first met. I thought we had a good thing going. I guess I was wrong.

Now that you’re gone, I hope you never feel alone. I hope nothing ever crushes you—your self-confidence, your sense of self-worth, the core of your being, your sense of reality—the way you did when you left me. Couldn’t you have at least let me know why? Something more than telling me that you couldn’t do this anymore. Something more real. I don’t know what you meant, Sakusa. I wish you’d given me more explanation. I don’t even know where you are. If I did know, I wouldn’t go looking for you. But it must have taken a lot of effort to have pulled this disappearing act so perfectly. How long did you plan this out? How many nights did I fall asleep believing that you’d stay when you had already chosen to go? I just want an answer—closure, I guess. You’ve made it clear that you don’t want to be with me.

I don't know why you left me. Whatever it is you left me for, I hope you find it. I hope it makes you happy. I hope you keep playing lots and lots of volleyball because I know it's your safe space. I hope you see the beaches in Italy and explore the world to your heart’s content. I hope you're never uncomfortable when your family and friends ask if you have a lover. I hope you find a love that lasts. Wherever you are, I just hope you succeed. I know it’s hard to leave things behind. When you _do_ succeed—because I know you will—I hope you think of me and how I supported you.

I love you. Goodbye.

Atsumu

**Author's Note:**

>  _this_ is the first real fic i'm posting to the sakuatsu ao3 tag after countless twitter threads. i am so sorry. i am also in pain. come scream at me on twitter! ([@ASPHODELLAE](https://twitter.com/ASPHODELLAE))


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